The Confidence Boost You Didn’t Know You Needed
By Travia Steward
Confidence—it’s one of those qualities we admire in others and often wish we had more of. But what if I told you that building confidence isn’t a mystical talent reserved for the few? What if it’s something you’ve always had within you, just waiting to be rediscovered? Today, I want to explore how confidence is nurtured, not in isolation, but through connection and curiosity.
Confidence: A Skill, Not a Trait
We’ve all heard the saying, “Some people are just born confident.” But I don’t believe that. Confidence isn’t a personality trait you either have or don’t. It’s a skill, and like any skill, it can be cultivated and developed over time. The truth is, we are all born with a natural sense of confidence. Think about babies—they don’t worry about what people think. But as we grow older, societal expectations and personal experiences can dim that light. We start to doubt ourselves, and that innate confidence gets buried under layers of self-consciousness.
The good news? It’s still there. Confidence is like a muscle that needs exercise. The more you step out, engage with others, and take small risks, the more that muscle grows. You don’t go to the gym once and suddenly have bulging biceps, right? The same goes for confidence. Each interaction, each small step you take, helps build it.
Building Confidence Through Connection
Here’s where many people miss the mark: Confidence doesn’t grow in a vacuum. It grows through connection. We are social beings, designed to engage and interact with one another. This means that every conversation you have, no matter how small, is an opportunity to grow your confidence.
You don’t need to be the life of the party or someone who loves networking to start building these connections. It can be as simple as striking up a conversation with your neighbor or complimenting someone on their outfit. These moments may seem trivial, but they add up, helping you become more comfortable interacting with others.
A great way to ease into this is to lead with curiosity. Instead of worrying about what you’ll say, shift the focus to the other person. People love talking about themselves, and by being genuinely curious about someone’s day, their interests, or even their dog, you’ll find conversations flow more naturally. This not only boosts your confidence but also reinforces social bonds. And let’s face it, we could all use more positive connections in our lives.
The Pandemic Effect: Relearning Social Confidence
If you’ve noticed a dip in your confidence post-pandemic, you’re not alone. The isolation brought on by COVID-19 changed the way many of us interact with the world. We got comfortable in our homes, spending more time in front of screens than with actual people. As a coach, I saw firsthand how this impacted everyone, from students to adults.
But here’s the thing: We were made for connection. Humans thrive in community. So, as we emerge from this period of isolation, it’s important to recognize that rebuilding confidence starts with reconnecting. Start small—engage with someone at work, chat with a neighbor, or even rekindle an old friendship. The key is to push past that initial discomfort. Each connection helps rebuild the social muscles we’ve neglected, allowing us to feel more confident and at ease with others.
Authenticity Over Performance
One of the biggest obstacles to confidence is the feeling that we need to “perform” when interacting with others. You might feel like you have to wear a metaphorical mask—presenting only the parts of yourself that you think will be accepted. But this is exhausting and, ultimately, unsustainable.
True confidence comes from being authentically you. If you feel the need to hide parts of who you are to please others, ask yourself why. What are you afraid of? And more importantly, are those people really your people if they don’t accept you for who you are?
Building confidence means showing up as your authentic self, flaws and all. It’s not about impressing others—it’s about connecting in a real and genuine way. When you stop worrying about how others perceive you, and instead focus on being present and curious, you’ll find that conversations flow easier, and your confidence grows naturally.
A Challenge for You
Here’s a simple challenge to help you take the next step in building your confidence: Engage with someone you normally wouldn’t. It could be a neighbor you’ve never spoken to, a colleague you don’t usually interact with, or even a friend you haven’t seen in a while. Push yourself out of your comfort zone, and approach the interaction with curiosity instead of anxiety. Ask questions, listen, and don’t worry about saying the “right” thing.
If you feel resistance—those stories in your head about why the person might not like you—acknowledge them and then let them go. Most of the time, those fears are just stories we create, not facts.
Final Thoughts
Confidence isn’t a one-time achievement. It’s something we cultivate through consistent action. Every conversation, every small risk you take in connecting with others, builds your inner strength. So, start today. Take that small step toward engaging with others, and remember—confidence is a journey, not a destination.
You’ve got this.
