How to Improve Your Relationships with a Simple Check-In
When it comes to relationships, especially those of a romantic nature, one thing is abundantly clear: communication is the foundation that can either make or break the bond. In this article, we’ll dive into a strategy I use not only in my own marriage but also with my coaching clients— a strategy that has transformed relationships and, in some cases, saved marriages.
Why Communication is Key
At the core of any thriving relationship is the ability to communicate effectively. When couples don’t communicate, they end up guessing each other’s feelings, intentions, and desires. This can lead to misunderstandings, frustration, and emotional distance.
In my experience as a coach, I’ve found that one of the fastest ways to improve your relationship is through a practice I like to call the Relationship Check-In. It's a structured approach to opening the doors of communication and getting clarity on what’s really going on in your relationship.
The Relationship Check-In:
The Relationship Check-In is a series of questions that you and your partner ask each other. This isn’t a time to point fingers or place blame; rather, it’s a tool for reflection, understanding, and growth. The goal is to help you both articulate your feelings, needs, and desires in a safe and constructive way.
But before you begin, set the right tone. Make an agreement that neither of you will take anything personally. The check-in is not about criticism or proving who’s right or wrong; it’s about improving the relationship. Approach it with the mindset that you’re both working toward the same goal—a stronger, more fulfilling connection.
The Questions to Ask
Here’s a breakdown of the questions you can ask each other during the Relationship Check-In, along with some guidance on how to approach the process.
How would you rate our relationship on a scale of 1 to 10?
After your partner gives their answer, follow up with, “What would make it a 10?”
The key here is to simply listen without judgment. If your partner says “seven,” don’t react with frustration or defensiveness. Instead, focus on understanding what could make that number a 10 for them.
How well do you feel I meet your needs on a scale of 1 to 10?
Again, ask, “What would make it a 10?”
This question gives you insight into where you can improve in meeting your partner’s emotional, physical, or practical needs. And remember, this goes both ways—after your partner answers, it’s your turn to share.
How significant, appreciated, and valued do you feel by me?
This question addresses the emotional heart of the relationship. When your partner responds, don’t rush to conclusions or defensiveness. The goal is to understand how they feel and what can be done to make them feel more valued.
How comfortable do you feel expressing your feelings with me?
Many people, especially as they get older or more comfortable in a relationship, may stop sharing their thoughts or concerns. This question helps open up that dialogue and ensures that you both feel heard.
What are your most important needs right now, and how can I support you?
Whether it’s work stress, emotional needs, or something more practical, this question helps you understand what your partner is going through and how you can be there for them.
Putting the Check-In into Practice
The power of the Relationship Check-In lies in how you use it. Ideally, this isn’t a one-time conversation but a regular practice. Couples that thrive often check in with each other weekly, monthly, or whenever they feel the need to reconnect.
One of the most important things to remember is that this process is not about being perfect. It’s about creating a space where you both can be open and honest without fear of judgment. When done correctly, these check-ins can lead to a deeper emotional connection, improved communication, and a relationship that feels more supportive and aligned.
My Personal Experience
I’ve used the Relationship Check-In in my own marriage, and it’s been transformative. By regularly asking my wife how she feels and how I can support her, I’ve gained insights into her needs that I may have otherwise missed. It’s helped us navigate tough times and celebrate the good ones.
Try It Yourself
If you’re feeling like your relationship could use a boost, give this check-in a try. Approach it with curiosity and an open heart. You might be surprised at how much closer it can bring you and your partner.
Let me know how it works for you! You can always reach out to me on Instagram or via email with your thoughts and experiences.
Until next time, remember that a strong relationship is built on consistent, loving communication. Now, go strengthen those bonds!
